Learning to breathe...again

You think everything is great. You have a few minor irritations, but all in all, life is going pretty good. You are happy. You have someone that cares, makes you feel special, and puts a smile on your face. And in an instant, that changes.

Actually, changes is not the word. Explodes is a better word. That is when you find out you were just the butt of someone's idea of a joke. But you aren't laughing. Not bad enough? The explosion killed a friendship that has spanned years, crossed state lines. It destroys the trust you had, because that friend is the one who made you the joke. Want more? The friend gets mad at you for not getting over it. You get blamed for the actions of others, that you couldnt control and knew nothing about until after the fact. You get ridiculed for trying to save any semblence of a friendship. You play by their rules, and they change the rules so they can punish you some more.

There are no words that will make that hurt go away. You don't want to hear about Karma, or how in 5 years you will be sitting back laughing at them. You don't wanna hear how its for the best, or that they didn't deserve you anyway. All you can do is bounce between missing them so much you can't breathe, and being so pissed off you can't think.

And in the beginning you will suffer more through the missing than the anger. But everytime the anger hits, you can at least breathe again, just a little bit.

It's sad that people don't care about the harm they can do. As long as they get it their way, they can ignore that they walked on you to get it. But what they don't realize is that you managed fine without them in your life before, and you can manage after them, too. What they don't get is that every time you daydream about setting fire to their face, and then putting it out with a fork, you learn to breathe again, a little tiny bit more each time. And finally, they just don't understand that once they drop the diamond into the garbage, they can't go find it in the landfill later. It's gone. Just like you are. You may cry for the loss every single day of your life, but you can hold your head high when you do. It proves you have something they don't. A soul. And that alone is worth more than anything they will ever have.

Keep breathing. You can, you know. It may hurt, and at times you may think you can't take the pain anymore. But you can. You will.