So there I was...

It was the day of Ashlyn's last transfusion. I had to run into the gas station for a few things first thing that morning. And there she was. She had on a pink tank and pink shorts, with cute little white stripes down the sides.I couldn't help but notice her, because she was directly between me and the Mt Dew cooler. I saw her from the back at first. I realize I have put on a few pounds, but oh my GOD, the rear view looked like two pink Studebaker's fighting for the same parking spot. Did I mention these were those little high cut daisy duke shorts that would look trashy even on Barbie? They certainly did not look any better on a rear end that large.

But, heaven help us all, then she turned around..........................................................................................................................and then her boobs caught up with the rest of her. The neckline to this tank top was located somewhere down around her belly button. And even there, you were in absolutely no danger of seeing her nipples. Unless you looked below the waistband of her tank top. And she was working it. Did the woman NOT look in a mirror before she left the house? She primped and simpered and flirted with the man behind the counter. When I finally got a chance to pay for my stuff, he asked if there was anything else I needed.

I asked for a cup of clorox. He looked puzzled until I told him to just hurl it into my eyes...

I'm a little more careful about how I look when I leave the house now. And I am working out again too!



Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow....

Have a great one y'all!

I checked with NASA and you are NOT the center of the known universe

Pardon me in advance if I ramble. I went partially deaf last night from the crashing sound of a friendship in flames as the delete button was clicked. And since you never gave me a chance, and just assumed the worst, I am going to tell it like it is now. Nobody likes your girlfriend, except for her friends. Nobody likes the person you have become since you started dating her. Your brother, (you know, that guy you go fishing with) said you posted that stuff to stir things up. So we obliged you. Be careful what you ask for, because you just may get it. Then to be COWARDLY enough to delete the post, and 3 of your friends??? You left for Iraq as a man, and you came back a boy. How did that happen? You amaze me. I was, in fact, the LAST person you should have ever expected to remain friends with. But I did remain your friend. And for what??? To be deleted because I said Colonel Mustard did it in the library, with the rope, a candlestick, 2 chickens and a midget??????? Really???? You know, I could see it if I attacked your girlfriend, or even pointed a finger in her direction. It was a conversation that did not involve her until she posted into it. But we get deleted because of this? Open your eyes, and realize, she STARTED this little bonfire, then fanned the flames mercilessly. Her goal is to isolate you from everyone you knew before her. And it's working. I hope you realize before it's too late just what you threw away. Girlfriends come and go, but it's a bitch to find true friends, that will stick by you, even if they don't agree with what a fuckstick you are being. They tolerate the girlfriend because that is the price they are willing to pay to remain your friend. They tolerate the new and improved you, because they still get to see the old you. And they may fight, argue, yell and scream, but they don't delete a friendship just because things aren't going to suit them or their high-maintenance-low-rent girlfriend. You made your bed. I hope you sleep comfortably in it from now on.

Things that make you go hmmmm

Anyone that knows me understands my convoluted thought process. If properly motivated, I can mind-fuck the simplest of things into oblivion. But there are just some places my mind never wanted to go. Like the public display of big girl panties at the park. I don't want to even contemplate WHY this woman thought anyone wanted to see the sample panties from Omar the Tent-and-Panty Creator. To me, your drawers should be personal, not on display in a public park. Especially not while you are wearing them. My brain just did a total vapor lock, and didn't start really working again for at least 12 hours. It was that bad.

And just so no one things I am picking on big girls, I've got news for you. Hey all you skinny look-like-you-did-the-crack-makes-you-lose-weight diet...if your jeans are tight enough that I can not only tell you are wearing a thong, but can also tell that it came from WalMart, well guess what? You need to find a seam-ripper and take those fuckers off. There is such a thing as too tight. Really.

I readily admit that I went through my bad fashion sense era as well. In high school. At my age, fashion is anything that doesn't require liposuction, a can opener, the use of WD-40, or baling straps and a come-along to wear. If it looks adorable on that 12 year old girl next door, then I am thinking it's maybe not so much for me. Although I do still maintain my passion for hooker shoes. Some things you just never outgrow, I guess.

Dear God, it's finally happened. After all these years, I just turned into my mother. What an epiphany. On that note, I'm getting the hell off here and going to bed. So what if it's only 4 in the afternoon. I feel a case of the vapors coming on. Tomorrow is another day. Christ, tomorrow is MONDAY. This just keeps getting better and better. Forget bed. I am going to my happy place. I'll be back by Tuesday. Bye!