It will always hurt...

No matter what you do, it will always hurt. Caring deeply for someone, anyone, is going to hurt. It is amplified by 10 if your feelings aren't returned. I don't think anything compares to the crushing feeling of watching someone turn their back on you when they are your world. When you discover that you are just a game, or worse, a joke to them, it destroys your faith in them, in yourself, and in everyone around you. And so far, I haven't discovered a way to make it better. Oh, I know ways to let go, and I know ways to rationalize everything, but in the deep dark of a long night, the truth hits home. When you reach across the bed for someone who is not there, you can't escape the pain that follows.

I have tried so many times, and failed every single time. I know love exists, because I feel it. I just think that some people are meant to love, and some people are meant to never love. Some are meant to never be loved. I think I am the latter. I no longer believe in fairy tales, I don't believe there is someone for everyone. I believe I am meant to be alone. I just wish it wasn't like that. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of my friends always saying I need a man. I've had men. And boys. And they all walked away. Or ran. Why would I keep finding people that are going to do the same thing?

I exist on the surface, and that's just how it has to be. I can't cry anymore. I can't breathe anymore. I just am.