Vodka and Lortab....

Along with certain phantom pains I have been suffering lately, I am also suffering some very real, physical pains as well. Starting Saturday night at 9:15, I virtually worked for 24 hours straight, thank you very much DG. The end result of this is that my ankles are freaking killing me!! Don't ask me why it's my ankles that hurt. I have no idea. But hurt they do, and they have swollen up to boot. And no, for all the smartasses out there, I am not retaining fluid.

I took myself off to the state store for a little self medicating of the phantom pains. Vodka can work wonders, if properly administered, after all. However, it does absolutely nothing for my poor, throbbing ankles. Enter Lortab. And oh what an entrance it was. Obviously, I was not thinking clearly before I settled on this plan of action. There are two things you should probably know about me. The first thing is that I had already started drinking the vodka when I decided to take the Lortab. The second thing is that Lortab has a unique affect on me. Yep, it makes me horny.

So here I sit, just waiting for the effects of my not-well-thought-out plan. Thus far, my ankles are still throbbing, and so are my phantom pains. But I expect that in the next thirty minutes or so I will be feeling no pain at all. Actually I expect I won't be feeling much of anything at all. Thank God I don't have to be at DG until 1:30 tomorrow. Thank God again that my daughter can and will take my phone away from me if I lose my mind. Any male friend I have needs to be very afraid right now. I am afraid for them at this point.

If I can still function later, I will let you know how I feel. I don't think I will be seeing any green faries, since absinthe is not on my menu. But I recall overmedicating once before. I had what everyone thought was a sinus infection from hell. (Before Dr. Callahan diagnosed that ugly little tumor we named Lurch.) I was taking antibiotics,pain meds, Nyquil and Benedryl. I was working 10 to 14 hours a day, and couldn't sleep because of the sinus problems. After about a week of this, I was driving home from Kim's, when I could have sworn I saw dolphins swimming beside my car, and Gumby was running in front of my car. Then I thought I ran over a pack of runners in a marathon. At 10 o'clock at night. It scared the everlivin piss outta me. I have been very careful about overmedicating since then. Until now.

Tonight could get very interesting...