Angels and Whores

I've said it before and I'll say it again. All men want to be married to an angel and have a whore in the bedroom. Men are shallow creatures, and not terribly bright. It's time to point out a few things to you. It is possible to have both in the same woman. Rare, but possible.

Of course, you do have to watch out for the fakes and posers. Just like women have to do. You can't turn a true whore into a housewife, and if she reminds you of dear old mom, she'll never be your whore in the bedroom. This is why afairs happen, you idiots. You look for something you aren't getting at home. You therefore, didn't find the perfect angel/whore combination. I see the look of confusion. Let me simplify things for you.

The Angel

This is the woman that all your friends are halfway in love with. She cooks, cleans, works, excels at every housewifely thing there possibly is. She can hang with the guys to watch the game, but has the sense to leave them alone for the all important guy-bonding time. She makes sure there is enough beer in the fridge, and food readily available, then retires to another area and leaves you to it. She makes sure you are well taken care of, smiles and bites her tongue at the snarky mother-in-law input, doesn't try to set your single friends up with her single friends, and stays out of guy arguements. She makes other men want her, but never ever leads them to think the could have her. She can throw a dinner party, or a beer bash with equal finesse, manages to still look good in her grubbies, blah blah blah. You know what kind of angel you want.

The Whore

This is the woman that only you know. This woman has no qualms about wearing a pair of red heels and a smile to greet you when you come home from work. This woman waits for you to sit down and relax, and then crawls onto your lap and lets you know in no uncertain terms that you will be having wild white hot sex within minutes. This woman gets hers, and if you enjoy it too, well hey, BONUS! I could go into more detail but I am attempting a PG rating here. But I think you get my point.

The Perfect Combination

This is the woman that the public sees and envies, and you are proud to show her off at every chance. She makes all your friends' relationships look hopeless. She can be so adorable that you are able to overlook her irritating qualities. Because you also know that when you get her home, she is going to rock your world. It's her idea to push you flat on your back and wear you out. It's her idea to fulfill one of your fantasies as a surprise when you've had a really bad day. If she ever says no, she's got a damn good reason, and it's not that you didn't buy her a new car, or you didn't take out the trash, or as punishment for any other lame ass reason. Usually no involves the flu, utter exhaustion, PMS, PMDD, a trip to the ER, or the fact that YOUR mother has a glass pressed to the guest room wall, trying to eavesdrop.

Oh sure, you will have disagreements. Even some knock down drag outs. But it all works out because you just don't want to fight with anyone else. It's not that she is actually so perfect, but that she is willing to share a side of herself with you that no one else gets to see. But it has to be a TRUE side of her, and not a pose.

Fakes and Posers

I can clear this up pretty quickly. Ever wanted to have a threesome, and your woman agrees? Well here ya go...if at any time during said threesome, she ever looked to see how you were reacting, she's a poser. If she ever claimed that it didn't bother her to see you with the third woman, she's a lying fake. She means well, but she is trying to manipulate you into believing she is something she's not. She thinks that this will keep you together. It won't, because subconsciously you noticed what I just pointed out. Then you get to pay for it. Usually it comes out that she "only did it for you!" And naturally, she didn't enjoy one minute of it.


Yes, we are rare creatures. We are woman enough to know that men love two things. Securty and variety. If we have a threesome, we know that you men will love watching a fantasy fulfilled, but if we are taking care of you, you won't be interested in touching the other woman. You'll enjoy watching them, but you only want her. We know that you will be proud as hell that every man you know wants what you have, but it won't occur to us to take any of them up on the offer. We are woman enough to let you go if thats what you want. (But once we let you go, you don't get to come back. And you will want to. You always do.) We don't settle. We give you all of ourselves out of the love and feeling we have for YOU. We don't care if others don't see it, or understand it. We know what it is all about and that's all that matters. Rare? Yes. Mythical? No. Most men stopped believing in us, but we're still out there. Sometimes, we are discovered, and then the men that didn't believe, well, they fall in love with their best friend's wife...so men, take a good long look at what you have, what you want, and what you threwaway. Then look at your friends. Bet it'll open your eyes!